just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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