The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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