I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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