if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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