no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
