I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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