If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
