We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
