chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We are all done wearing pants today
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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