never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
