I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
this hospital has no fireball
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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