I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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