At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize