I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
