Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
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Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
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I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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