It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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