What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money