Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
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YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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