my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.