she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
