THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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