That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
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Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
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I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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