You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
