ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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