i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
