i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Acid is not a monday night drug
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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