i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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