I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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