Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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