i just wanna soil my oats bro
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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