i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
