After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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