I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
