all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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