The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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