he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
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