Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
