He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The ass gains better be worth it
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