There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
sex in a hospital.. check
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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