he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
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i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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