Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
