i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
