That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
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once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
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I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize