I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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