I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
