my mouth tastes like poor choices
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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