I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
