i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
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My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
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I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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