You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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