I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
