Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
