I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
