I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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