I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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