you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
