I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
