you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You're a waste of cheezeits
pray to the hookup gods
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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