apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
