I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize