thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
