Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When did angry sex become our thing?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
